This Love
by Drunken Yak inc
Summary: Asuka decides to write down her feelings.


A/N: I don't even know if I can explain this one. There is no real rhyme or reason for this short little fic other then I felt like writing it. I'm giving it an M rating for the brief talk of rape.

-Beck

"It's over Asuka!"

Three little words.

I am speechless when I try to define the impact those three little words had on me. I can write down a bunch of words, but let's be honest, It's all meaningless. But I'm told that I need an outlet, that expressing myself will make the pain a little easier to deal with. So here goes nothing.

I feel like my soul has been ripped out of my body.

I imagine that your reading this, thinking that I am just being melodramatic, over emotional or maybe even being a drama queen. But if you thought that, then you don't know me very well and surely you wouldn't be reading this.

I honestly feel like my soul is missing. I feel nothing on the inside.

Maybe this is how my momma felt before she ended her life. Maybe my momma wasn't so crazy after all.

I think the worst part is that I don''t even know why he broke up with me.

I know I am not the nicest person around, but he said he was ok with that, he had accepted my faults. So what caused him to stop loving me? Did he finally realize that I have a lot more faults then he originally thought? Maybe the clueless bastard finally figured out that I am a lot more broken then I let anyone know? Maybe he just wants to see me cry. Well I'm sorry Shinji, I have no more tears to give. I ran out of them the first time I caught you cheating.

Do you remember that Shinji? Do you remember bringing that whore into _our _bedroom and fucking her on _our _bed? Do you remember when I dragged her out of _our _bed and beat the hell out of her? I didn't realize beating her was a mistake, I didn't know that beating you would have prevented you from doing it again. It can not be said that Asuka Langley Soryu doesn't learn from her mistakes... Unless that mistakes name is Shinji.

I took you back after you cheated on me. Twice.

Yet here we are, I'm in our house – alone – trying to come to terms with why you stopped loving me, and you? Well... I don't know what your doing. You won't answer my calls. I think your at Toji and Hikari's because she won't answer the phone either. Apparently, taking my soul wasn't enough for you, so you took my best friend away too. You really have turned into a selfish asshole, you know that? I put up with all of your insecurities, infidelities and all of those damn nights you came home three hours late and drunk off your ass.

I even forgave you after all of those times you would hit me.

I believed you when you would tell me that you would never hit me again, that it was the alcohol that was making you do it. You would even promise to stop drinking so much. I would look into your dark blue eyes and I would know that your were telling the truth. Even after the fifth, sixth and seventh times. Remember that time I dumped all of your whiskey down the drain? I don't. I barely remember waking up in the hospital. "She fell down the stairs" is what you had told everyone. And they believed it. Hell, even I almost believed it.

Although, getting hit by you was preferable to when you would hit me and then hold me down and force yourself inside of me. I would beg for you to at least wait until I had a chance to get wet down there. But you never did. It hurt so much, I would cry out in pain with every thrust of your hips, at least until there was enough blood to act as a lubricant.

I was the one that was home alone all night. I was the one that got hit. I was the one that was laying face down, my arms pinned to the kitchen floor as you raped me. I was the one that had to clean the blood off my battered flower. And yet you were the one who left me. Why did you lea...

Was as much as Shinji could read. He put the notebook down, pinched his nose and closed his eyes. "You know Asuka, when your shrink suggested you write down your feelings, she meant your feelings about your actual past." Shinji opened his eyes and stared at the goddess seated across from him.

Asuka rolled her eyes. "I know that baka! I just want to see her face when she reads that!" Asuka gave Shinji an evil smile.

Shinji shook his head. "But Asuka, what if she thinks your serious and has me arrested?"

Asuka's smile grew bigger. "Then I wouldn't have to listen to you snore anymore, would I?" Shinji just shook his head. "You know Asuka, you really do scare me sometimes."

Asuka stood up and walked over to his chair, sat on his lap, put her arms around his neck and gave him a quick kiss. "That makes me happy to know."


End file.
